Handling a Difference of Conviction with Compassion

As discussed in the last blog post, establishing a strong guard over your eye and ear gates is extremely beneficial to your relationship with God. The longer you walk with Him and seek Him, the more He will transform you into a truer reflection of Himself, as you seek to imitate Him in your day to day dealings. But it isn't just the two of you on the road. Your brothers and sisters in Christ are there, too. Some are ahead, some beside, and others behind, depending on how they are working out their salvation with fear and trembling. Not everyone walks at the same pace, or shares the same background and sensitivities, and that's perfectly fine. The Lord knows the heart of each of His children, and will convict them as needed. Sometimes, you may be called on to be the instrument of that conviction. On other occasions, you may need to just pray for them in the secret place. And other times, it wiser to recognize the difference between personal preference and blatant sin and move on. The question then becomes, how do I live at peace, as far as it depends on me, with brothers and sisters who don't share my exact set of resolutions for safeguarding a healthy walk with Christ?

This argument assumes that brothers and sisters in Christ are unified in the tenets of the gospel: that mankind was once in communion with God, but became separated from Him by our sin; that Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, lived a perfect life, as we could not, and payed the price for our sins by dying on the cross and rising from the dead, so that we could be reconciled to God and restored to commune with Him now and in the life to come. I'm not addressing the issue of salvation. I'm talking about sanctification, the process by which our sin nature is sloughed off as we are washed by the water of the Word, becoming more like Christ. Because each person's walk with Christ is unique, though we are governed by the same Spirit, we must learn how to help each other become more Christlike without offense or legalism causing strife and division.

Be Patient with Those Who Don't Share Your Convictions

Because of our individual relationships with God, not everyone learns the same lessons at the same time. There are convictions that a seasoned Christian will hold fast to that a newer or younger person in the faith has not confronted yet. There are also new Christians, freshly snatched from the darkest depths of separation from God, who can see through the deceptions of the enemy more clearly than those who have been sheltered believers for decades. If you have learned a lesson that someone around you has yet to encounter, be patient with them. "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently..." (Galatians 6:1 NIV-UK). Unless otherwise instructed, your job is not to browbeat them, but to gently ask them questions about their participation with or in the offending thing, and encourage them to seek the Lord about it--especially through scripture--and to research it for themselves. If given the opportunity, share your testimony regarding it and what the Holy Spirit taught you through that experience.

I've been on both sides of this. Let me share an incident in which I received life-giving correction from a true, Titus 2 mama in the faith, who is firm in her convictions.

I was once introduced to a particular line of thinking by a fellow believer. This insidious philosophy has crept into churches, psychology courses, and counseling offices in the guise of a numerically structured personality assessment, meant to help people discover the ways they and their gifts fit into the body of Christ. No, this was not a spiritual gifts test. This was the Enneagram. And, because the section of it that seemed to apply to me came across like an in-depth, cynical cold read, I started to buy into it.

Unbeknownst to me, I was coming into agreement with a demonic philosophy originally transcripted through automatic writing, a practice in which an individual empties their mind, allowing a spirit to take it over, and move through them, writing down words. The details attached to each personality type listed in the book were not truly freeing or compatible with scripture, or the multifaceted ways God reflects Himself in one individual image bearer. The Enneagram limited individuals to certain traits, and labeled choosing altruism over self-centeredness as an inherently selfish coping mechanism, leading me into a cycle of hopelessness and legalistic thinking. It also provided excuses for wrong behavior. For example, "Well, of course I'm like that, I'm a four."

Fortunately, uttering that exact phrase in front of an older, discerning Christian woman is what started my swift path to liberation from this truly toxic, ungodly ideology. Disturbed by my statement, she very gently explained to me that she had encountered the Enneagram before, and that it was highly suspect. She encouraged me to research its origins and make up my mind about it based on scripture.

I did.

And I threw a fit.

I realized that I had unwittingly come into agreement with the kingdom of darkness and tried to put God's name on it. I was sick with anger at being deceived and betraying the Lord.

Within 24 hours of being gently encouraged to look for the truth about what I'd become involved in, I repented and broke ties with it. And I thanked the woman profusely for upholding her convictions and telling me the truth, while letting me learn the lesson in a way that I could understand.

In turn, I've been able to take her loving approach in similar interactions with others. It doesn't always bear fruit right away, but sometimes, it does. And the joy of knowing a brother or sister in Christ is living in more freedom outweighs the anxiety of whether or not they will reject me and what I have to say. May I remember that the next time a situation like this comes up!

If you have lovingly presented someone with the opportunity to reexamine what they are consuming through their eye and ear gates out of your genuine concern for them, but they did not respond as you hoped, let them be and pray for the Lord to convict them at the right time in His own way. You did your part. Unless otherwise instructed, don't chase them. You are not the Holy Spirit. Also, remember to ask the Lord to keep you back from presumptuous sins, especially if the issue you're confronting is not directly related to salvation. The other half of Galatians 6:1 reminds us, "But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."

Don't Taunt Your Siblings

Preferences should not be a stumbling block. While we should all agree on the main points of salvation, sanctification will look a bit different for each believer. Someone who is not tempted by alcohol is not going to go through the same sanctification process regarding it as a recovering alcoholic. However, if I know that my friend is recovering from alcoholism and surrendering everything attached to it to the Lord, I'm not going to order a drink for myself when we go out to dinner together. Not only would that be an unfair temptation for my friend, but she may also become fearful that I'm heading down the path she's escaping. Anxiety makes an awful dinner companion.

Paul addresses this topic in 1 Corinthians 10. In this passage, he urges believers not to be deceived by idolatry, and to be aware that there is a link between knowingly partaking of things sacrificed to an idol, and participation with the demonic. Just as we partake of Jesus' covenant when we eat the Lord's supper, eating meat sacrificed to idols can create an open door for evil, including the presentation of a stumbling block to another believer.

"Observe Israel after the flesh: Are not those who eat of the sacrifices partakers of the altar? What am I saying then? That an idol is anything, or what is offered to idols is anything? Rather, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice they sacrifice to demons and not to God, and I do not want you to have fellowship with demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord’s table and of the table of demons" (1 Corinthians 10:18-21).

Paul advises that we should receive our food with thankfulness, "asking no questions for conscience sake," because everything truly belongs to God, but that if we are in mixed company, believers and non-believers, and are made aware that the meat served to us was sacrificed to idols, we should abstain for the sake of the person who pointed it out to us, that they may not stumble over our zeal for freedom, and that our witness to the unbeliever and our fellow believers may remain effective.

In verses 23-24, Paul writes, "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being." We have freedom in Christ. It isn't a license to sin, but to love God and one another freely. I am free to put aside my desire for something and abstain, knowing that I am loving my neighbor by not subjecting them to doubt and turmoil by consuming it in front of them.

If you know that something you like is too much for someone else's sensibilities, don't torture them with it. Don't try to convince them that it's good or that they're overly sensitive. You can explain why you like it, because it will teach them something about you in the process, and can foster unity between you despite differences of opinion. But take it a step further. Ask them to share why they are opposed to it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

There are certain movies and shows that I cannot watch. They are not welcome in my home. I will feel the atmosphere in the house change for the worse if they come on TV, and immediately start going book of Acts against whatever is infiltrating my house. It's that enmity against the enemy passed down from Genesis 3:15. Other strong believers in my life are not convicted the same way that I am about watching those same programs. Because we have shared our reasons and testimonies with each other, we understand the heart behind our convictions and respect each other, trusting that the Lord will correct us if we need to let something go.

Sanctification is both personal and public. It's a combination of the Lord transforming you one-on-one and people in your life helping to keep you straight like iron sharpening iron. And we all do it differently based on our relationship with the Lord and the assignments He's given us. Although it's often uncomfortable and messy, loving each other well and seeking each other's well-being as we go through it eases the burden, and effectively models Jesus' love to those on the outside looking in.